He said to them, “Come after me and I will make you fishers of men.” At once they left their nets and followed him.
(Matthew 4:19)
Lord, your disciples left “at once.” Have I ever responded to anything so suddenly? Even when I made my decision to enter religious life, I did not leave immediately. I received my acceptance letter on July 16, the feast of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel. Entrance day was September 8. Before leaving my home and my possessions, I graduated from college, shopped for items from the list we were given, got fitted for the postulant dresses made by one of the sisters, and said goodbye to my family and friends. I don’t remember feeling that I was giving anything up, other than the prospect of marriage and children. I knew that I would be clothed, sheltered and fed, and that I would teach children. There was no risk, like that of the disciples who would not have known where they were going or how they would live. I was excited, but not afraid.
What if you were to invite me now to walk away from my home, my friends and family, and my possessions? How would I dispose of them? Could I really give up the things I take for granted, like constant communication and news? Just a few hours ago, I almost cried in frustration when my router stopped working. I wasn’t willing to give up my connection, even for a day. Will I ever learn to let go?
Please, Lord, now that it is Advent and I feel closer to your coming, teach me to detach myself. Only then can I fully attach myself to you. Only you are enough.
This journey looks impossible, but you will make straight the way. Let me surrender to your will.